The day is etched in her memory. Ms Crystal Goh woke up one morning in April 2011 and could not muster a decipherable word.
“It sounded like I was having a very bad sore throat. Like I was being strangled,” she said. “People couldn’t understand me when I spoke.”
Her world came crashing down.
Though the National University of Singapore Arts and Social Sciences graduate worked as a writer at World Vision Singapore, a humanitarian group, her real passion was to sing, which she did at pubs, weddings and other venues during the nights and weekends.
As long as Ms Goh, 32, could remember, singing was an integral part of her life.
“My voice was my main source of beauty. I knew it was something people would applaud me for,” she said. “My plan was always to go into music full-time some day.”
When she realised she had lost her gift, it was devastating.
She went to several family doctors, who all thought it was probably a sore throat from the flu.
When it didn’t get better, she went to three or four specialists until one finally put a name to her condition – a rare neurological disorder called spasmodic dysphonia, in which the muscles of the voice box go into spasms.
The doctor told her he did not know of anyone who had recovered from it and the only treatment was to have Botox injections through the neck into the vocal cords to stop the spasms temporarily.
It was a painful option and not a long-term solution to her problem.
Everyday tasks like having a conversation with a friend or ordering food at a hawker centre became a hurdle to overcome. She shunned social gatherings.
This went on for close to half a year until she experienced a few breakthroughs.
She had written a song for the wedding of a good friend, who insisted Ms Goh perform it herself on the big day.
Ms Goh hesitated, afraid her voice, which was breaking every few seconds, would ruin her friend’s wedding. In the end, she did sing, though not before explaining to the wedding guests why her voice was the way it was.
To her surprise, many in the audience were moved by her performance and told her.
She said: “From then on, I realised it is not about how well I sing and if I impress others. By singing, I can share my story and give hope to others.”
At work, her boss was supportive and encouraged her to continue singing and writing songs.
On Christmas Eve in 2012, Ms Goh visited a home for female delinquents with some friends.
Though she found it still a struggle to speak, she wanted to share her experience and encourage the young women there.
Soon, she started volunteering at the home, helping the girls turn their life experiences into songs.
Thus was born Diamonds on the Street, an initiative named after those precious stones that emerge after being tested by pressure and heat. Through songwriting and storytelling programmes run by the group, young people explore their life experiences and relationships that shape them.
The process helps them to learn more about themselves, and begin to accept themselves and their loved ones, Ms Goh said. They also learn that they are not alone.
For example, one 15-year-old girl composed her first song and dedicated it to her estranged older sister, with whom she yearned to reconnect.
Their relationship improved after she shared her song with her sister and they began to speak more openly to each other.
So far Diamonds on the Street, which she started with two friends and is now registered as a social enterprise, has reached out to about 200 vulnerable young people, such as those from troubled families.
By 2013, Ms Goh said, her voice had improved significantly.
She can now speak audibly, though she has bad days when her voice troubles her.
She is also taking a part-time master’s degree in music education at the National Institute of Education to be able to better design and run music programmes, especially to reach out to vulnerable youths.
Today, Ms Goh makes her living as a freelance writer and music teacher.
Though this is not the path she once envisaged for herself, she says that she has no regrets about what happened to her.
She said: “Though I lost my voice, I’m now part of a bigger collective of people helping others who are struggling to find their voice.”
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Source: The Straits Times, 26 September 2018