By Luar Shu Qi
So you’re going on exchange. I bet you’re all excited to get away from hot, humid Singapore for a cooler climate in a pretty city or town on the other side of the world. To spend all your free time traveling with your buddies. You may look forward to taking photos that will be the envy of all your Instagram and Facebook friends, sharing exhilarating experiences, and living every day without worrying about the next grade you’re going to get for that assignment…
But few people remember the flip side to all the optimism surrounding exchange. Of course, negative experiences serve as good learning lessons, but if you want to have a happier exchange, there are some things you may wish that you were warned about in advance.
1. You need good interpersonal skills (maybe even negotiation skills) if you want to stay in a shared apartment.
You may stay in school accommodation, in a hall, or rent an apartment with friends or strangers. The people whom you share a house with aren’t your family, and there isn’t any authority figure around to enforce house rules. I stayed with a Hispanic couple – the landlords – and a Korean female housemate. Having grown up with siblings and strict house rules, I am no stranger to putting up with mild inconveniences and adhering to house rules set by my landlords, though I was lucky enough to have an easy-going landlord and a room to myself.
Staying with people in a shared apartment reduces costs (economies of scale!) and ensures that there is someone to look out for you. However, there are some caveats: you must be willing to change certain habits, and you must know how to strike the delicate balance between being firm and compromising.
I was aware of the conflicts that went on behind closed doors in my friends’ apartments. Simple arrangements such as cooking and dining together often broke down, as friends couldn’t agree on how to fairly split the groceries bill. Another group of friends found difficulties in dividing household chores, because some people travelled more in a certain month and got away with doing less. The list goes on.
There were some people who chose to avoid conflicts, and who were so nice that their housemates took advantage of their concession. These conflict-avoiders cleaned up their housemates’ mess, and put up with their unacceptable behaviours and incompatibilities. Some had arguments that eventually came to a compromise, but which still failed to resolve the cold atmosphere between the parties. Others fought undesirable habits with resistance and revenge. On hindsight, these incidents were often over petty issues, and they became both the subject of much whining to friends and jokes between housemates who remained friendly with each other.
In the end, everyone resolved their issues in their own ways (it wasn’t always a happy ending). But if these issues had been discussed and an agreement was reached beforehand, life would have been a lot easier.
2. Find out your friends’ interests before traveling with them.
Most of us travel with friends for companionship, safety and easy division of labour (e.g. the driver, the back-up driver, the navigator). However, the problems of traveling with friends are the same as those of staying together.
Like-minded friends travel together easily enough. They have similar tastes and traveling habits, and they enjoy the same company. So, why not?
A diverse group of friends on the other hand, has to arrive at a compromise. Some people want to rush to see as many places as they possibly can. Some people prefer visiting fewer places, slowing down to soak in the atmosphere and explore deeper rather than broader. The more people there are, the harder it is to please everyone. So, you either deal with some unhappiness in the group, or you split up for some activities.
To each their own, but I think it’s much easier to travel with like-minded friends. Otherwise, any conflict within the group would just suck all the joy out of traveling altogether. Take occasional breaks from your friends if it gets too stifling hanging around each other all the time. And if you have different interests and no one can compromise, then maybe you’re looking at the wrong travel companions.
3. Get people’s contacts as soon as you meet them!
I’m usually reserved with strangers. When I separated from my travel mates who were going to different universities, I felt lost. I turned up for orientation walks and briefings alone and from there, I got to know a few interesting people. I met a girl of African descent who had come from Geneva, Switzerland. She was a first year student living abroad alone for the first time and had missed the university’s frosh (freshmen orientation). We were intrigued by the differences in the education system and youth culture in both our countries. We got so carried away talking to each other that we forgot to get each other’s contacts. Many weeks later, I bumped into her at the school’s ice skating rink. We instinctively smiled at each other when we exchanged glances. Belatedly, we realized we knew each other and started talking. I forgot to get her contact again.
I regret not getting her contact (it’s apparently not a habit of mine) as she was one of the few foreigners whom I could connect with on a personal level. I always needed reminders to collect contacts because I tend to assume I would see them again soon.
It wasn’t because of a lack of interest in keeping contact. In fact, my fleeting experiences with the acquaintances I met through school, traveling or Airbnb were always unexpectedly enriching. One of the Airbnb hosts I had was an old lady with an engineering degree who taught night classes to women on investments. She took online Coursera courses, too. Even though she was old enough to retire, she filled up her time with work that she enjoyed.
It felt good to be able to simply talk to people and learn about them. In return, people are also likely to be all-ears to your own stories. This is where you may realise how much you really know about your country’s culture and yourself. Sometimes, the things you say may surprise you. Thus, through these exchanges, you get to learn about yourself as much as about others. The most meaningful exchanges come about when you have as much to offer others as they have to offer you.
4. Be open to new experiences
It’s scary and exciting at the same time to get lost or to try things you’d never have dreamt of doing before. On one hiking trip, my friends managed to persuade me to cross a fallen log to get to the other side of a river. It was physically demanding, but adventurous in its own way. My friends were apologetic for having ‘coerced’ a reluctant me to do it – but this was one of those instances in which their positive peer pressure succeeded in pushing me out of my comfort zone. And it turned out to be kind of fun. Sitting on the middle of the log and looking back at the waterfall from a different perspective was one of the most refreshing things I did then.
In fact, when we started out, we realised that the tourist walking trails had been closed for the season. We were practically wandering blindly until we bumped into friendly hikers who told us to follow the river upstream to the falls. Starting out lost didn’t turn out to be such a bad experience after all.
On another hiking trip, we set out to see the interior of a cave. We observed a bunch of hikers clamber down a tall rocky wall to access the grotto. From the top of the cliff, we could see that the water in the grotto was sapphire blue. The wall had gaps and jutting rocks that could serve as handholds and footholds – just like a rock climbing wall. We’re no experts at rock-climbing, but it looked easy to imitate the other hikers, who had by then made it safely into the grotto. And so we did, despite some uncertainty and a fear of falling. The rewards of being in the grotto and peering at tiny fish swimming inside the caves were indescribable.
During exchange, I became more open to trying new things, including food. My travel companions were foodies who encouraged me to try food that I had never eaten before. My family was shocked when I told them about the seafood I had tried in Canada. I never thanked my friends for doing this from the start, but it’s partly due to their persuasion that I got to eat more and enjoy more food while I was overseas.
Taking stock
The abovementioned tips were derived from my own experiences, and which I wish I knew before embarking on exchange. They may not apply to you as much – different people view things differently anyway. But it is my hope that this article will remind you of some things to take note of to enhance your own experience. Have a blast! 🙂
