Hoang Nam Phuong (LMS, Y2)
I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia in the summer of 2009 when I was in 8th grade in Vietnam. My mom cried all the way home from the doctor’s office. I was hospitalized the night of the diagnosis. After they took a bone marrow sample, I was laid down on a makeshift bed by the dim corridor because there were too many patients, with two to three occupying each hospital bed. My mom was determined to give me the best chance of remission. And so, selling our flat, she and my dad took me to Singapore for treatment, not knowing what the result would be but just that she couldn’t bear to let me go. Not many people in Vietnam would choose to do that. Many families in similar situations and with more financial resources demur when they count the cost against the success rate of therapy. But to my mom, the statistics were irrelevant. She would fight to the last penny to keep me alive.
Four gruelling cycles of chemotherapy went by, but the last one had to be the worst. My platelet and neutrophil count dropped so low that I would bleed through my nose and couldn’t breathe because of the blood clots. My high fever over 46 days cost more money than all the chemo treatments combined. Our finances were drained. I was bedridden and had a lot of time to think during this period. I started to embrace a form of nihilism. If life is so fragile, where is its meaning? I remember one night, hooked to the transfusion stand, I stared into space and felt the full weight of the hollowness of life. My death, if I were to die, would grieve my family; but then they could still move on without me. Settling that in my mind gave me some peace.
But fast forward a few months, I recovered. My family decided to stay in Singapore for its clean environment and good education system. It’s good to still be alive, and I believe there is a purpose for me to have survived cancer to still live now. I learned to appreciate the people around me more, knowing how much I have been loved. The experience also taught me to persevere in the face of adversity because there is always hope for those who don’t give up.
