‘Privilege’ is such an overused word, but it took 5 months abroad in racially segregated communities and witnessing homelessness on a daily basis for Elaine to truly internalise what unearned advantages in her own life back home meant. Read her sentiments in the fifth feature of our exchange journal series, UniverSalPals.
Name: Elaine Tay Jia Yi
Exchange University: University of Pennsylvania (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S.)
What do you miss most about exchange?
There were many memorable experiences that I sorely miss, but there’s one thing that I reminisce about the most. It isn’t a particular experience, but a feeling. Being so far abroad alone in a new place not tied to your old roots, there is a sense of freedom – from your old identity, from judgement. It gives you the courage to be different – even in the smallest things like fashion. I experimented with fashion (especially layering in winter and boots) and make-up, not crazily, but more than I would have in Singapore where people who knew me would probably notice and comment.
The feeling of travelling and living independently abroad, and the romantic idea of it all gave me newfound courage to do things alone and discover unexplored territories.
Exploring West Philly for a Penn IMPACT Magazine photo essay.
The most intimidating instance was when I ventured alone to West Philly (46th to 56th street), an area at the doorstep of University City where Penn students hardly go to, much less alone. If you asked students about 40th street and up, most of them would say 40th to 45th street is still pretty safe in daytime, but not beyond. 46th and onwards was deemed to be relatively unsafe and a predominantly African American neighbourhood – but that was exactly why I chose to do an independent photography project on it with Penn IMPACT (a social impact campus publication club).
There’s a longer back story that involved:
- A conversation with a stranger over a free Philly cheesesteak dinner, where she responded, “That’s a racist comment,” when I brought up the ‘danger’ of West Philly
- An article discussed in my English class that revealed a statistically lower drug use amongst African Americans but them still being incarcerated more often, and
- Another study that proved how each of us may hold implicit negative stereotypes as much as we don’t want to. All of these made me rethink everything I thought I knew about crime and people of colour in America.
Finding Voice: Issues on Race, Class, Gender – my Favourite English class that opened my eyes to existing injustice and social issues.
The spiky-haired girl whom I randomly met while queueing for free Philly cheesesteaks.
I’m not going to go into the details, but at that time, I was gripped with enough fear to consider immediately booking a cab back home within two minutes of arriving at the place – but I steeled myself to walk down the streets anyway. The moment I got off the cab, I felt so out of place. People were glancing at me – a lone small Asian girl clutching a camera bigger than her face, suspiciously standing at the corner of a street.
But 5 minutes later after I eased a little, I was surprised to find the neighbourhood excitingly splashed with bold colors. Murals decorated the walls every few streets, carving out a distinctive and pretty personality of its own. I was buzzing and marvelling internally. The shops were different here – there were many barber shops, many African braid shops, convenience shops, and budget shops. Pavements were cracked, shrubs were overgrown, but the sun shone goldenly and the skies were clear, and despite my fear, the neighbourhood felt like a community and home – even if I didn’t belong to it.
As I roamed around the streets with my camera, this man jokingly pointed at himself, “Hey, you got a beauty here!” I laughed and seized the chance to ask if he wanted to take a photo. We started chatting, and I asked about this neighbourhood that he lived in. He told me that if you took the metro in West Philly, the murals would come together to form a poem – Steve Powers’ A Love Letter For You that stretches from 45th to 63rd St along the Market Street corridor.
That was a crazy adventure – I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it, but I’m still glad I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and stumbled upon the beauty of a ‘forbidden’ neighbourhood.
Has exchange critically changed your outlook on life or inspired you in any way?
Homelessness, racial segregation in communities, gentrification, white male supremacy, gun violence. You hear about it all the time, but living amongst it is another experience. I’m not going to say that I’ve seen it all here – but I was definitely in closer proximity to those issues than back here in Singapore.
Even while waiting for my flight back to Philly from Chicago at the airport, there was a live shooting at a hospital in the same city I was at. Walking into a predominantly Black neighborhood, I hardly spotted a White person. And one night, I had never been more starkly acute of my undeserved privilege than when I, in my thick coat in 7°C, walked past a homeless man laying on the pavement near a sinkhole, warming himself up with the emitting underground heat.
This must be what people feel when they say “We’re too sheltered”, “Singapore is too small”.
In Philly, the stark contrast between the homelessness I saw everyday and the privilege I had studying in a rich ivy league university made me reflect a lot. Every night, I had a warm and huge hostel room with a pillow to rest my head – but hundreds of people are freezing out there below 10°C under a bridge. Everyday, it’s easy to get caught up building up our own future with our own hands, but never have I truly internalised that I have been awarded with advantages that I can’t always say I earned – a stable family and educational background, an opportunity to study here on a subsidised NTU-USP exchange programme, opportunities to learn and travel so vastly at a young age.
I could easily be struggling too – if I were born in a different place, to a different family, at a different time. There are possibly others who could be born with smarter intellect and go further, if they were given timely opportunities.
So, what am I going to do with my privileges? That was the next question I asked myself. Am I just going to continue to focus on myself, or should I turn around and use these privileges to help pull up the less privileged?
Feeling the weight of my unearned comforts was one of the pivotal revelations during my time abroad. I’m no Mother Theresa but now that I’m back in Singapore, I have been a lot more conscious investing in opportunities that would expose myself to the harsh realities of the underprivileged, in opportunities to help others.
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UniverSalPals is an initiative that invites students who have gone for NTU-USP Study Abroad Programme for a semester to journal and share about their adventures, changes in perspectives and their growth paths on exchange. Living in a foreign environment for 5 months isn’t a long time, but you can’t say it’s short either. You’ll be surprised at how much a semester exchange abroad can teach you – both about the world and yourself.
