Mirror’s Image

We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there. ~ Pascal Mercier

I can’t really say that I did see my five year old self at Chiang Mai last week; that would be simplifying my experience there. But I did see traces of my past self in the Elephant Nature Park, in my interactions with my peers, and in the memories I made along the way, almost like catching a glimpse of your reflection from a shattered mirror.

Personally, Chiang Mai had been a satisfying trip of self-discovery for me. I was glad to have been given the opportunity to travel back to Chiang Mai and even better, to have been part of the group to visit the elephants. The nature of our group’s research topic and our itinerary brought me very close to the local flora and fauna, which to me was the most impactful part of the trip. Before even embarking on the journey to Chiang Mai, I had no idea that I have been missing this close contact with Mother Nature. TOPS thus allowed me to regain some tranquillity and stability in my life. Especially in a time of great changes and tumultuous transitions into young adulthood, the close interactions with nature were what I really needed to feel calm and at peace with myself again.

Looking back at my past, I can see how I have grown as a person. I have become more ‘wild’; I am no longer the innocent little girl of fifteen years ago. I have become more accepting and less judgmental of others when before I was more distrustful and close-minded. I have become more attentive and less careless. These are all positive signs of maturation that I hope to be able to keep with me as I continue to grow and learn. I believe that I have been able to have such a fruitful time of self-discovery because I had made the explicit goal to do so before starting the trip. When one becomes more self-aware of one’s goals and motivations, it automatically becomes easier to act upon them. This in itself is also a valuable lesson in how I should conduct and plan for my own goals in the future.

Intellectually, it was a very exciting journey for me. I particularly loved interviewing the locals and tourists about their views on elephant poaching and hearing about their views. Hearing about differences in opinions is mentally challenging as I would try to find arguments that support both sides of the issue. It was also a quick way to learn in-depth about the many aspects of a single topic. In addition to these interviews, there were several instances where members in our group started talking about a random topic, which linked to another, and another. Those conversations were extremely interesting in my opinion as everyone was able to provide a diversity of views based on their own interests and their own areas of expertise. As a Psychology major, the conversations were very stimulating and I was also able to see a lot of the theories and content I learned previously being relevant in the discussion.

Moreover, I was able to learn many hard facts about the subject our group was researching. By processing these facts and hearing so much about elephants from the guides at ENP, the elephants and the poaching issue suddenly became a lot more real to me. By researching this controversial issue, I also learned an important lesson about not taking sources at face value. As the ivory trade is illegal in Thailand and there is proof of a black market, many interviewees may not be willing to divulge all the information that they know of, for fear of repercussion. For example, our bus guide actually requested to repeat an interview session as he was worried that he may have given us information that would potentially be detrimental to him in the future if it leaks out to the public. This made me realise that many of the interviewees may have whitewashed or even lied about what they know for security purposes. It is thus important to examine all sources critically and as objectively as possible.

Finally, being able to immerse myself in Thai culture was an eye-opener for me. In many ways, Thailand is very similar to Singapore. For example, we both face problems of immigration and labour, as well as the effects of globalisation and the erosion of local culture. The differences lie in each individual country’s own history as well as the methods we employed to tackle these issues. The cross-cultural exchange between Singaporean and Thai students was something I enjoyed as it was fascinating to witness how different and yet alike we all are.

The benefits gained from exchanging information and opinions can only be made possible if I remained open-minded and receptive to new ideas. This was another important trait that I hoped to develop over the course of the week, and I am happy to say that I left Chiang Mai feeling accomplished.

If I had to name one thing that I wish I could have done better, it would be to be braver. To be able to fearlessly step up to complete strangers and hear about their stories, to be able to walk up to them and ask them about their day, and to be able to share a laugh together. Even though I have been able to approach strangers, it was only for interview purposes. I think the trip would have been even more meaningful if I went up to them simply to connect as fellow human beings.

Overall, however, it has been an intensely fruitful and amazingly fun trip for me. To all my newfound friends and newfound sense of self, I hope to be able to see you around soon!