Post-trip Reflections

In my pre-trip projection, I started with a quote by Jack Canfield.

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”

I feel that I have tried my utmost to step away from my fears and do things I normally would not do. Case study one: I splurged on food. In Singapore, I usually scrimp on food because 1) I feared that too much food would make me fat, and 2) the money could be spent on better things, or kept in my savings account. In Chiang Mai, however, I ensured that I stopped counting my coins and calories. I spent on tom yum, on mango sticky rice, on coffee, and on night market food of questionable origins. I spent on roti with bananas and chocolate syrup, on crispy waffle-y things that I could not identify, and on iced Thai milk tea (I don’t even like milk tea that much). Spending so much on food was strangely liberating (but I ended up gaining weight at the end of the trip).

Case study two: I stepped out of my comfort zone. I was often uncomfortable approaching locals for interviews, and I remained uncomfortable throughout the trip. I stepped inside a tiger enclosure, knowing full well that if something went wrong I could very well turn into shreds of meat. I watched a lady boy performance, knowing that if my mother found out, she would probably kill me. But I don’t regret a single thing. These little things helped me go a long way in understanding the culture in Chiang Mai. We were never once turned down by an interviewee (except that one time with the police), which goes to show how hospitable and friendly the locals are.

One of the first things I noticed about Chiang Mai was that it had almost all the comforts I was used to in Singapore. Going into Chiang Mai, I was expecting dilapidated buildings and beggars on the street. Perhaps this was an unjustified misconception, or perhaps I just hadn’t been exposed to the poorer parts of Chiang Mai. In reality, the hotel was perfectly facilitated. There were taxis everywhere, albeit operating under an odd and slightly unjust system of payment. There were convenience stores and 7/11s situated along most streets. The roads were smooth and well-maintained, though missing a traffic light or two. The only poverty I saw were buskers sitting in the streets of Chiang Mai’s many night markets. Nonetheless, I have not seen enough of Chiang Mai to make any statements about its true state of poverty. Perhaps the real poverty existed at night, in the red light districts? I can’t say for sure.

I learnt more about myself than anything else during this trip. I realised that I was a person who strove for excellence, but sometimes did not know how to achieve it. I was often stressed and panicky during the trip, because I constantly compared myself to others. But I must thank my subgroup – although we were not the closest of friends, we worked well and we gelled well together. They constantly reminded me of the better things in life, like enjoying the culture and food in Chiang Mai. Mentally, I turned everything into work, but they showed me that it was okay to relax. Towards the end of the trip, I started to enjoy myself more and more. The last day flew past so quickly, because we did no work at all.

One thing I did not manage to develop was my communication skills (the irony, being a communication student). In my pre-trip projection, I aimed to improve my non-verbal communication skills with the locals in Chiang Mai. However, because we relied almost entirely on Yok, our student translator, to communicate with the locals, most conversations with the Thai was conducted through her. At the very least, I could shop and order food myself. But that was about as far as my non-verbal communication went.

Finding people to interview was not as hard as I expected it to be. Delving deep and establishing a personal connection with the interviewee, on the other hand, was a whole new ball game. I think it was because I had to go through Yok to converse with the interviewee. It was difficult to get the interviewees to open up, but if it weren’t for the language barrier, I think it would be a lot easier.

Jack Canfield was right in one aspect. I often let my fears stop me from doing or getting the things I really want. I fear failure, so I sacrifice downtime and relaxation in favour of work, work, work. I fear wasting people’s time, so I don’t spend as long as I would talking to my interviewee. However, everything I want isn’t necessarily on the other side of fear. It could be on the other side of hard work and determination, of resolution and resilience. Overcoming my fears isn’t going to get me anywhere. It is only when I can step over my fears and carry on without faltering that I can achieve what I want. Although it is too early to say what it is exactly that I want, I think Chiang Mai has helped me achieve a little of that. I have changed, and I hope it is for the better.