Chiang Mai Reflection Day 4

Day 4 of Chiang Mai Trip

The day kicked off with a visit to Chiang Mai University again. This time, it was an official school visit with a welcome lecture by a professor from CMU. The lecture had some interesting stories about the history of Chiang Mai, though I wouldn’t say it amounted to anything more than that. If anything, I feel that it would have been more appropriate if we had done this at the beginning of this trip. Nevertheless, it is interesting to attend a lecture done by a professor from another university. I would say that the classroom and the settings resembles more like a junior college back in Singapore than NTU though.

The professor was very knowledgeable about our research subject and was able to provide her personal take on the subject. She was perhaps the second person in our interviews so far (first one being Petr) that is far more vocal about her negative opinions of the inconsiderate actions of Chinese tourists. In an academic setting, the professor is perhaps more aware of the answers that we need, and is able to cut through the unspoken rules of polite society and give us a piece of her mind. For that, I feel thankful towards her.

After which, it was off to the races for the leadership programme. While it is meant to be a short programme to help us evaluate our team dynamics, and make aware of our weaknesses and strengths, I felt that it was disconnected from our original research objectives. Especially so, since that time slot ate up the only time we could meet May’s friends and do our focus group discussion. Unfortunately, we had to delay that meeting indefinitely because of various miscommunication.

Though I would say that the short amazing race did have its merits. It highlighted to me once again at least, my weaknesses as a human being. I know that I am not a very sociable person. In team settings like this, I often struggle to find my own voice, my own stand. Firstly, at this point, I am already very worn out by the fact that I did not have a solitary space to recharge and gather my thoughts, and the pace of work and socialising had been at almost full throttle the past few days.

More importantly though, I think my personality does not fit very well with the team dynamics. As a leader, I lack the relational aspect that allows me to communicate well with others, and I’m also not very vocal with my thoughts, usually keeping them to myself at the start. My over-cautiousness has caused me to suffer countless times in the past, making it seem like I am rather distant or cold, yet opening up is not an easy step, nor does it come naturally to me. As a follower though, I am also unwilling to follow through blindly, often demanding an involvement in the decision making process, or at least to fully understand before proceeding. This may make it harder or easier to work with me, depending on the team dynamics, and well, definitely harder in this case. These multi-faceted aspects are contained within me, and I am fully conscious of them. They emerge or hide within me, depending on the needs of the situation. As a result of all this, I did not particularly enjoy this activity. Though, I wouldn’t say I have not foresaw this from the start.

It wasn’t always like this though. I do remember a time in the past during JC when I focused on inverting my personality and work on the relational aspect. It was a great success. I was able to discard my self-conscious aspect and expand my network rapidly, but that came at an expense of my introspective and academic abilities. I stopped writing my occasional reflections on life. I stopped hearing the voices in my head, my thoughts and the arguments. I flunked my exams. And so, with the A levels fast approaching, I reverted my personality back and focused on studying, and it carried me all the way to this programme right here, right now.

Perhaps what I need is a balance on both sides, but I have no idea how to achieve that. That being said, I am also not the person I used to be 3-4 years ago, my experiences since then has shaped me to be another person that is much more different from the person that I was. I need to look towards the future for answers. There is however, one idea which Professor Zachary put forth which caught my attention though, and that is the idea of the energy you bring to the room. I have always thought that being quiet about a particular subject matter, or simply not being that active/vocal would not harm anyone, but it seems that even a quiet presence can have an influence on group dynamics. I will start to take note of that.

After the group challenge was over, we went to watch a Thai boxing match with Professor Liew. Luckily for us, we had the front row seats to the match and it was an interesting experience to say the least. I feel lucky that almost every single day I have been able to go through new experiences that I’m unlikely to be able to find back home in Singapore. Surprisingly, the place was filled with middle aged white Caucasians males. With 5 Asian young adults and a middle aged asian chaperone, we are bound to stand out in that area.

In fact, on this note, it seems that the streets of Chiang Mai are mostly populated by western tourists, rather than Chinese tourists. Whereas at places like temples or other specific tourist attractions that requires transport, there will be more groups of Chinese tourists. My guess is that Chinese tourists usually travel in groups with their families, whereas westerners like to come to Chiang Mai for free and easy tours. Looking at the demographics of the western tourists though, it is not hard to put forth the idea of sex tourism being prevalent in Thailand, though that would be a topic for another time altogether.

As I sit back and enjoyed my 250 Baht Thai massage at the end of the day, I thought of the day that I had. While it was certainly tiring, it did illuminate my understanding of myself and I’m glad I was able to see the streets of Chiang Mai. One good thing that came from the amazing race is definitely the opportunity to weave through the busy streets of Chiang Mai. As I walked past waves of primary school students rushing out of school, or a bustling market filled with street vendors occupying every inch of space, I can finally appreciate the life of an ordinary Chiang Mai citizen, the sights, the sounds, and the everyday dangers of crossing a street. It is definitely something else altogether.