Primary school felt like aeons ago and my memories of it are pretty much hazy, but I still recall that in my small neighbourhood school, my everyday conversations with friends comprised mainly of Singlish with a liberal usage of Mandarin Chinese. This was something that I was comfortable with, for it is the language that my parents brought me up with. A Chinese-heavy version of Singlish became my default conversing language, even during the secret monologues and quips in my mind!

They say secondary school is a world of difference from primary school, and that rang true for me. My secondary school was quite westernised, where friends all seemed to speak perfect English, but were conversely weaker in Chinese. Chinese was seen as a “subpar” language, and everyone seemed to hate it.

And so my adolescent brain crafted a secret motto: “English is good, Chinese is bad”. My comfort in Chinese gradually twisted into shame and distaste– I was ashamed that I was comfortable with Chinese, and that my family spoke in a mix of broken English and fluent Chinese. 

But the truth is, Chinese is a beautiful language in its own way. There wasn’t really a watershed event that subverted my unfair notions; it was a gradual change that came with experience. Interestingly, it wasn’t the old poems we were forced to recite in class that hammered this understanding into me– it was the lyrics of mandopop songs. As I grew older and read more into song lyrics, I began appreciating languages more. I found the lyrics of some Chinese songs strangely poetic; the words used are concise, yet hold so much. 

Maturation also meant the realisation that it was foolish to dislike a language that has done no harm to me. Why should I be ashamed of a skill that helps me to form bonds with people? Much less a skill that has been an essential ingredient in my family’s relationships. 

My Chinese capabilities now aren’t on par with what it was like during ‘O’ Levels, but my reconciliation with the language has certainly persisted through time. 🙂

This post was written by our intern Joan. Joan is a 3rd year student majoring in Psychology and Biological Sciences and speaks English and Mandarin.

Multilingual Memories is a collection of stories about our experiences learning language growing up as a bi- or multilingual! Childhood is when most of us start learning languages, and we think that it would be fun to reminisce about those memories together. Want to read more Multilingual Memories? Click here!

At BLIP Lab, we’re keen on investigating these language mixes at home! If you have a child between the ages of 0-4 years old, we’d love to invite you on our journey to understand more about this. Click here to know more about the Baby Talk-a-thon: https://blogs.ntu.edu.sg/blip/baby/talkathon/

We’re also on Instagram @bliplabntu – follow us there!